You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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