guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
