I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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