he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
