Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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