I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
