I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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