I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
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bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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