you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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