As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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