i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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