If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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