No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
