I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am mentally ready for anal.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
