If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
