Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
