The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
