I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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