I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
