I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
