yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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