Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
