You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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