I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
