Umm I'm too high to move.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
