u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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