I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
