I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
