he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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