i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize