phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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