Got a toothbrush?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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