went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Those nachos came to me in a dream
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
