we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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