idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
