If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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