Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
