Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
