areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
