Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
