You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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