You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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