My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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