WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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