The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
