I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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