nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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