Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
