I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
only you would photoshop your dick
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
