she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
