Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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