i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
