at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
