#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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