I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
