Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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