That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
