My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize