He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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