Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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