I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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