this beer tastes like vomit already
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
