yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
my liver is dry heaving
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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